1st post for September

Nothing too exciting. The coming of September also means me going back to school, which in turn also means less time for blogging. I've been finding that I am more active with my English blog then my Chinese ones...probably cause English is easier and faster to type in (and as I have mentioned numerous times..I am lazy)

So yes...today's blog is not about anything, basically just me ranting about my boring life and my boring job. Without going into too much detail about what I do, I have a pretty stressful job, and it is indeed a JOB. I thought I could make it a career but through out the 2 and half years I've been doing this job, I find that I cannot coop with the stress, and I don't get paid enough to do what I do and hear what I hear. And so came school. Currently, I am taking courses to get a certificate in legal administrative. If taken full time it takes 8 months (or 2 terms), I unfortunately need rent money so I can only take it part time, and so it's taking me 2 years. After the first year of courses...I find the courses boring and un-challenging. I may still like the work itself (because I like organizing and dealing with papers), but the courses beat some of the stupidest stuff into your head...and when you are sitting beside a confused looking girl in her early 20's, sometimes you really wonder why you are spending money for the course. Nonetheless, I will hang on till the end. My ultimate goal is to get a diploma in paralegal (and no it's not the same). However, I am also planning to take some sewing courses during the summer, and I am so very tempted with make up artistry (which is $$$).

I am 20 something soon to hit the big three O, and yet I have no direction in my life. I suppose that's because since I was little I was always taught not to have dreams. For a while I wanted to be an artist, then my dad told me "you can't eat drawings." and stopped telling me how pretty my drawings were. Then I wanted to do commercial design, dad said, "That's not a university degree!" and so I quit dreaming about fine arts, and got an useless criminology BA, a piece of paper that my dad can show off to relatives with. Except what does that leave me with? I graduated not knowing what the hell I wanted to do...it's been 3 years now, and I still don't know. Now that I think about it...Ever since grade 10 I had no more dreams, my dream was to go to university and that was it...that wasn't even my dream, that was my dad's. I suppose being able to tell people I was the first, and so far the only one, of the family (including extended family with the same surname) to grab a university degree (from a foreign country no less), makes my dad happy. But it didn't do the same for me.

I suppose I lost directionality a long time ago, but am just realizing it now. What can I do? What will I do? 

Ahhh, the weathers these days are always messing with my mood...